"When I first started going [back] to school, I didn’t have any faith for myself. I had no faith. Now that you guys are pushing me – not so much pushing me, but helping me, doing all this, doing all that – it helped me out to realize that it’s not everyone out in the world is out to get you. There’s a lot of people that do actually want to help you."
Ben, 50 at the time of this interview, is a student at The Literacy Project in Greenfield, studying for his GED. A chef at a local restaurant, cooking is his passion. He hopes to take culinary courses in the future.
[I grew up in] East Hawley, which is 21 miles outside of Greenfield - a small little hill town, where everybody knew your name, and you couldn’t get in trouble because everybody knew what you were doin’ and where you were going. It was important for my father to send us to school and we were happy to go to school. We had ta’ make sure we had our homework done at a certain time every night and we were in bed and ready for school the next morning.
“[The teachers] knew I came from a rough family. ...they didn’t expect as much out of me as they did other students...”
My father died when I was ten. I lived with my grandparents and there were thirteen of us so [school] was, yah’ know, like not really an issue. [The teachers] knew I came from a rough family. In my situation, they just kinda, yah’ know, they didn’t expect as much out of me as they did other students… So I just kind of sat in the back.
I gotta admit I always had fun in the school because school wasn’t really school . I wasn’t forced to do anything but be myself - and that was easy. It was just my dyslexia, I guess, would be the main thing [that interfered]. They didn’t even know about [dyslexia] when I was growing up. So they just kinda’, “Oh yah’ you’re all right, you’re just a slow learner,” and they moved me on, and on, and on. I made it all the way up until the eleventh grade until I quit school.
They must’ve [known I couldn’t read]. Yeah, I turned in my homework, but half of it was wrong. I know it was. But I mean, I made it on the honor roll a couple a times. I just kept on going! I don’t know how I made it as far as I did without knowing what I know now. I don’t know. It hurt. It hurt me. Yah’ know, I was sittin’ in the back of the class and I’d just do what I wanted to do for the [class], and nobody cared.
“I knew I was gonna’ be graduating and I knew I couldn’t read and write, and I was wondering what I could do with a diploma that ...I really didn’t deserve or earn.”
I think toward like the tenth and eleventh grade was hardest for me because I knew I was gonna’ be graduating and I knew I couldn’t read and write, and I was wondering what I could do with a diploma that was… that I really didn’t deserve or earn.
I hid it well. I hid it really well. Even when I married my wife, she didn’t know right away that I couldn’t read or write.
“I hid it well. I hid it really well.”
Memory. I relied on my memory. I never picked up a book to sit down and read. I signed my name and you know, other than that I handled cash all the time at the banks. If I had a bill, I went and paid it in person so I wouldn’t have to write addresses or names, or anything. Memory… all memory.
I’m a line cook. I’ve always been a cook since 1975. When I figured out I could read orders better than I could read a book, that’s when I decided that’s what I was gonna do with my life. It made me proud and made me wanna do the best I can do with that field. Can’t say I ever had a bad job cause’ I’ve always taken a job and said, “100%, no matter good, bad or indifferent.”
“If I had a bill, I went and paid it in person so I wouldn’t have to write addresses or names.”
Over the last ten years I’ve come [to The Literacy Project] like six or seven different times. I heard about Louise [the director] and how nice she was to work with. So I figured that I’d try it here. I’ve tried it on my own at home with tapes and it just wasn’t working. The first time I walked through here in this building it was… I talked to Louise and she put me in a night group with a bunch of guys that were about my same age. I felt more comfortable. [I was] nervous at first and then more calm as the night went on. And now I look forward to coming every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night. I like the sociability of the class and the people, the teachers, and the tutors. They’re there to help you and you don’t feel like you’re inconveniencing them if you don’t know. It’s a nice group! We all help each other, so it’s like a team effort.
“We all help each other, so it’s like a team effort.”
Louise pours her heart and soul into this building. Yah know, she asks for respect, she gets respect. She deserves respect because she treats everybody equally. She really does care how you are doing. Not how just, “Alright, are you gonna’ graduate or aren’t you gonna graduate?” She cares about what you’re feeling. She gives you the tools to learn to do what you wanna’ do with your life. She makes you feel good about your life.
I’m a little more focused on what my goals are now than I was when I was younger. I literally want to learn now. And I didn’t then. I really got into the habit of liking to learn and wanting to learn more.
“I really got into the habit of liking to learn and wanting to learn more.”
[My goal is] ta’ learn as much as possible. [I want] to learn to read a little better. I mean sometimes it’s hectic after working all day, but it’s something I can look forward to, just relaxing and doing what I need to do, for me. [It’s] tiresome sometimes, but it’s worth it. Yea, it’s worth it in the long run.
“It’s a great place and if anybody needs to learn, this is the place to do it.”
It’s a great place and if anybody needs to learn, this is the place to do it. It really is. The teachers and the people are really focused on helping you in your situation and what you need to do to better your life. Not their own. Yah’ know, it just makes you feel good. It really does.
I might take a few courses in college, if I feel like I can do it at my age. That’s what I’m thinking. I would like to own my own restaurant. Something that I could open up early in the morning and close in the afternoon, just enough to make a living. I feel better prepared now than I did then. Yea, anything is a possibility now.
“I feel better prepared now than I did then. Yea, anything is a possibility now.
”
Kheng, 35 at the time of this interview, was born in Cambodia to Chinese parents. She is studying for her GED at The Literacy Project’s Pioneer Valley Adult Education Center in Northampton. She recently became a United States citizen.
I’m from Cambodia, in Southeast Asia. And I have been here about seven years…and I have been living in Florence since I got here in 1998. I was 29 years old. My husband started living in the United States. He’s a carpenter. And that’s why I’m here. And we have two children. My son, he’s six years old, and my daughter is four years old.
“I have to learn every single thing. Everything is new – the culture, a different language, about the society.”
It’s pretty…pretty hard. You start – like every single thing, I have to learn every single thing. Everything is new – the culture, a different language, about the society. The way we live was a lot different. Overseas, it’s hot in summer. Over here it got really cold. And the language has been really difficult for me. Here, they use a lot of body language. In Cambodia, they like to talk straight. A different culture. Studying the social studies, it really helping me, about the culture in the United States different from where I come from. So that’s helping me to figure out.
“The language has been really difficult for me.”
I took Cambodian for eight years, and four years Chinese. I spoke two languages, Chinese and Cambodian. But now, after I have children, I speak English and Chinese. We speak Ju-Jao [a Chinese dialect]. I was born in Cambodia, but I’m Chinese. My parents, they were born in China, and so they have many, many different dialects. Some, they speak Ju-Jao, some who are speaking Cantonese, some who are speaking Mandarin.
I grow up in Chinese town, people speak Chinese, and also Chinese is – I love it. I’m still hoping that someday I can afford to have my children to go to Chinese class, Chinese school. I miss my home town. Some day I like to have a different society. You can sit around and talk. I feel like Cambodia, I have more friends. In Florence I live in a house, I do have neighbors, but everyone – they’re busy, morning out and night in. And also they don’t have young children. It’s so busy, you don’t have much time to talk.
“The first couple years I was lonely. ...Everyone - they’re busy, morning out and night in.”
The first couple years [I was lonely]. After I have children, it’s not lonely anymore. No time to be lonely. Yes, [this area] is home. I have two children here, that makes it home. I think they have more better living than in Cambodia, like jobs. Here, they have better school system, if you want to go to college.
[Schools in Cambodia are] a lot different from here. [Here], it’s much easier because students, we got a lots of books, lots of materials, we have computers. In Cambodia, we didn’t have things like that. We didn’t have copy machine. Much easier. Over there, everything all by hand. Now there are some copy machine, but not in school. You had to go outside.
[When I was in school in Cambodia], at that time, they didn’t have high schools, have the civil war. For a long time. The Chinese school was opened in 1990. It was closed for a little while because, after the Khmer Rouge, it closed, and for a little while it still closed. It was illegal to take a Chinese class. If you want to attend a higher class, you got to pay certain money for that. I had my brother. He finished all his school. He’s an English teacher in Cambodia. The whole family was happy that he finished that.
“When I was in school in Cambodia, they didn’t have high schools... It was illegal to take a Chinese class.”
I want to become a citizen, every time I call my family, the first question they ask me, ‘do you become a citizen?’ It is very important, if you want to go to your country, come back to your country, you need that…if something happens and you visit your country…not just to Cambodia, but you can go to any country and come back…
“Every time I call my family, the first question they ask me, “Do you become a citizen?””
I just got my citizen…I just – a few days ago. I had a history book, I got from the library…I had to apply for – it took so long…it’s very hard. Every time you go to Boston to renew the green card… Sometime you wait on the line, three hour by the time you get there, they say, this thing not right, you got the wrong information, you got to go home, you got to come next year….
[When I took the citizenship test in Boston], it was really, really cold, and we then we got into the –it was SO big – we got inside of the…JFK building…oh my goodness…some ladies, they have to open up the inside of their sock!…but me I have two children with me, they say, ‘Ma’am you’re all set’…I got inside…I have no problem with the history, but he ask me something about the terror, after 9/11…I still [don’t] understand what he asked me, I was nervous…then he said you go out and wait for me, and let me decide if you be citizen…he gave me a green sheet, asked me to read, asked me to write, you know testing writing and reading skill, then after how long, he told me you coming, what the place…Faneuil Hall…and he told me to go there another hour, you…become a citizen…did I pass the test? Yeah, you did. If I didn’t ask them, they wouldn’t tell me…I had to remember that, to ask them. I got to know, make sure I don’t have to wait one or two more weeks. My husband, they didn’t tell…after he passed the test or not, they say just go home, we will send more information to you. And then, in a letter, they sent to him…
[To take the oath] it’s much easier, it’s much easier, they don’t care about when you came, you just show up, stand on the line, they open the door, you just go inside, “No cell phone in the building!”…so I spend about three hours in the building…it’s many, many people…the first time they call their name – different nationalities…they call the line, the first line, the first row …a very, an old history building… And I become a citizen. My husband so proud of me. He’s so happy. Oh, it was so happy…we went and bought some Asian food, you know they have a lot of Chinese food there…
“The reason I get my GED…so I could help the children to learn, and do their homework.”
The reason I get my GED…so I could help the children to learn, and do their homework…I feel like just the school teacher is not enough…my son is starting to read…it’s good to start early…my daughter knows all her alphabet, I’m so proud of her…she’s only four years old, and she knows the alphabet.
I’m coming in this class, a little bit over a year, last January. Three mornings a week I come here, and I meet with my tutor as well… for two hours, yes, and then also I work in the nursing home. I’m a nurse aid. It’s a hard work. Really busy…you see a lot of people, deal with a lot of residents’ families, talk with them, you have the chance to learn more English…I work 24 hours a week, 3 –11…and then my son get up at 6:00! It’s a hard work, but it’s good work.
“My son is starting to read... it’s good to start early.”
I don’t think I could go to college right away… I think it’s good to go to college, but the financial part, I can’t work if I go to college…I still plan to go to college, some day…in four or five year maybe, when my children are doing better in school…It would be wonderful…maybe take one class…I think it’s good to think about it…
“I still plan to go to college, some day... It would be wonderful!”
